It’s official. Our little boy, who only just turned 4 in February really is starting school in September.
I know lots of people with summer babies think about whether or not to delay their child’s starting date and it can be really hard to know what the best thing to do is.
For similar reasons we toiled over whether or not to keep our boy back a year (he has Down Syndrome and with that various developmental delays) but, after more chats with his nursery than the Prime Minister has had with the Queen, we made the decision not to keep him back and to push him forward with his peers at ‘the usual time’. He’s really task led at the moment, is really copying his peers, seeks praise and likes nothing better than to ‘work’ on something one to one with an adult.
Now it goes without saying you really must do what’s right for your child and every child is different. People have all sorts of reasons for staggering a child’s start date at school and they know their child best.
This is just how we made our decision…
There’s lots of research which not only supports but encourages children with Down Syndrome to stick with their peer groups but you know what it’s like – you have a tiny seed of doubt in your head and so you have to follow it through, bore all your friends while you ‘think about things’ and make sure all your questions have been answered in ten different ways before you can commit. Or is that just me?
The thing about any child starting school is they’re still so very little. The government recently issued a document stating that any child who’s birthday was in the tail end of the school year may well benefit from starting school a year later (link below) but it’s up to the family and any healthcare workers working with the child to consider everything on a case by case basis. They recognise that children need to have reached a certain milestones in their social and motor skills development to make the most out of their first year at school. Well this was enough to throw me into a further spin. If our boy had developmental delays in several areas, then surely that meant he should really defer?
Oh drat. I thought I’d finalised my decision but now I was going to have to rethink it all again.
So I sat down and went through all his strengths and weakness and then I wrote next to them whether or not they’d be a deal breaker for starting school.
Then I wrote down the cons of him NOT starting school.
When I got to the end of my lists I realised none of his delays were deal breakers – he’s always going to have Down Syndrome and some of the things he finds difficult will take at least a couple of years plus to improve significantly (like his speech). He’s actually an excellent communicator and uses a mix of makaton sign language, speech and body language. He and I have really lovely amazing chats but people that don’t know him so well do struggle…So I’ll just have to teach his teachers and peers his language.
He also benefits hugely from being pushed and challenged on everything and he achieves more and more each day. So I’ll have to be firm about his peers and teachers having the same high / equivalent expectations to those of his typical peers. This too might be ongoing but it will all improve significantly and in a very short timeframe once people realise what level to pitch things at for him.
Everything changes – one minute he’s not in the least bit potty trained and wets himself every 20-30 minutes and the next minute he’s sorted. Plus you can’t keep a child out of school because of toileting issues – lots of children need support in that area for all sorts of reasons and so you apply for that support for them.
The main ‘con’ of keeping him back a year (apart from another year in nursery being a long time and he might outgrow it) was that he could (and probably would) start modelling his behaviour and social interaction on younger children. We decided this wouldn’t be a good thing.
We also realised that if he really struggles with reception and is unable to read / write to almost the level that his typical peers can, we have the option of repeating the reception year (as is true for any child).
So, should we delay starting school for a year or not?
Based on our pros and cons list, we’ve decided to go ahead and hope we’ve made the right decision.
So far he’s saying he’s NOT going to go to big school as he wants to go to the zoo but we’ve got 5 months to bring him round. If you have any suggestions of any good books, we’d be very grateful!
Otherwise we’ll have to resort to Haribo.
Here is the link from the Department For Education: Advice on Summer Born Children – December 2014
Have you had trouble deciding whether to delay starting school for a year or not for your child? We’d love to hear what decision you made and how you came to it. A shared pool of thoughts is always a good thing!
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Our daughter is delayed and we had as many meetings with nursery as you did it sounds. We also decided to send her this time.
I am worried she will be lost in a big class but she seems to be enjoying it. It is me who has been crying every day!
It’s such a personal decision and then you wonder if you’ve done the right thing or not. It’s so hard! I’m so pleased she seems to be enjoying it. What a huge relief that must be. I feel rather bereft without my little man around. What a pair we are! x
A difficult choice but you’ve made the right decision for you guys. I am sure he will thrive. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
Gosh such a hard choice but everyone is different aren’t they and each decision needs to be taken on its own merits. #sundaystars
It’s an impossible choice and yes completely. We just hope we’ve got it right. Thank you xxxx
Awww, it sounds as though him starting school in September will be a good thing for him. It must be hard to think about letting go and him starting school in September. I’m going to face a similar dilemma in a few years time because my baby girl was born on August 21st.
K x
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Thank you so much for your lovely comments and yes – all the kids at that age just seem so so little. August 21st is a tricky sate but you really will know where she is by then and if she’s benefit from another year before starting. In some ways I think it might be easier for you than if her birthday was in April/May? Good luck with your decision making when you get there xxx
Hi there,
My little Brother James has a rare chromosome deletion. He started a special needs school at normal age and he loved it. He has just graduated his special school as he turned 21. He misses it like crazy…especially his friends. There really are lots of pros and cons to these decisions and they are never easy to make. We usually ask, “what is the worst case scenario?” and take it from there! It sounds like your son will really benefit when he does start school and I hope all goes well.
Angelaxx
Hi Angela, thank you so much for your really helpful comments and to hear that James has done so well. Very good advice on the worst case scenario approach too! I do hope we’ve made the right decision but with all the information we have currently we think it is. We can always change things later I guess! x
Also, have you asked the school if they have a ‘bump up day’ where kids try their new classes? The schools I work at always have. OR could he have a special visit?
Haha, bless you Haribo- aiding parents everywhere. As a teacher Id only worry about a kid moving up if I thought they were likely to feel overwhelmed by the demands. From what you’ve written it doesn’t sound like this would be the case. If I were you I’d rather he was trying to keep up with his peers rather than playing down to younger children. Good luck, little one! My school kids liked Harry and his Bucketful of Dinosaurs, there is one about going to school.
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Hi and thank you so much for your very supportive thoughts! Very reassuring and if it doesn’t work out we can always reassess can’t we? I’m going to push for as much access to the school and his TA before the actual start date as we can get away with. I’ll also make sure I’m free to facilitate settling in if it’s at all helpful. I’ll need to teach the staff a certain amount of makaton or they won’t know what he’s saying. We’ll get there though I’m sure of it. Thank you xxx
We are homeschooling at the moment and one of the reasons is I feel 4 years old is a bit too young. Other countries in Europe have a later starting age and research suggests that starting formal learning at the age of 7 years old is best. However, I do find it difficult when I get told about all the things my friends children have learnt to do at school and my 5 year old can’t do yet. I just have to keep reminding myself many other 5 year olds around the world are still not in school so no need to panic yet!
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Thank you so much for commenting and yes it’s this reason exactly that had me in more of a spin of indecision than anything else. Children starting school at 7 certainly manage to catch up fine. I think there’s an added component of having a child with Down Syndrome as they have different strengths and weaknesses. Our little boy is definitely in mimic mode where he is desperate to show off and achieve things and madly copies what everyone else is doing. I really hope we’ve made the right decision eek!!
Great post. I’ve been umming and aahing about when to start my daughter at Kindergarten, as she will be one of the oldest in her class if I start her when the system says I should. Yet she is so confident at writing and drawing and speaking, she already struggles to play with kids her own age sometimes because their language skills aren’t the same as hers. Still, having spoken to teachers I have come to the belief that pushing for her to start early can have its drawbacks. Sometimes that extra maturity brings much less stress to the beginning of sschool and the kids are much better adjusted. I think you made the right decision to keep your son with his peers, especially for the social reasons you pointed out: kids that age are all about learning social skills anyway, academic skills can come later.
Hi Emily, yes I think you’re exactly right actually – their social skills ad confidence are what can make or break their ability to enjoy their first few weeks at school. It’s so hard when some countries don’t ask their kids to start school until they’re 7 and those kids do so well too. Difficult decisions!
We have a June boy who was really not ready for big school. Fortunately, his primary school offered a January intake which benefited him no end. For one whole term he was one of the oldest in his class and he relished the opportunity to show the younger ones around their new classroom and with that his confidence grew immeasurably. But as you have already mentioned, all children are different. There’s no ‘one size fits all’.
I totally agree – I think a term can make all the difference and if our local school and that as an option I would definitely have gone for that. Was it obvious that was an option or did you have to ask for that?