
Last week Mr Elfie and I celebrated our 10th anniversary with a night away without the kids! It was our second night in 9 years and I can’t tell you how amazing it was to be able to walk out of the door and know that I wouldn’t be doing anything domestic for **27 hours** (precisely) and with no better person to spend it with either.
The kids were in the very competent hands and as I submerged myself deep into ‘me time’ and the hours slowly slipped by, I felt my body start to relax and my head start to unwind. I slept forever in a bed that was bigger than Birmingham, had a bath IN THE AFTERNOON, watched boats go up and down the river and I laughed so much I couldn’t see….
There’s something about being the primary carer isn’t there? We’re always there. We have to arrange for cover if we want to clock out of family duties to do anything basic, like get our hair cut, or to miss the school run to take another child to an appointment. The secondary carer on the other hand, gets to announce if they’ll be home for dinner, if they’re going to meet up with someone after work or if they’re going to work away for the week. It’s a totally different existence for the primary carer and it can feel very relentless and trapping at times, however fabulous your partner is. It’s just the way it is.
I’ve been working really hard for ages. I only have three school length days a week to work, so I’ve been cramming work into the evenings, which leaves no time left to watch TV, read or fluff about. I just couldn’t WAIT to skip out of the door and have no time constraints: no meal planning, no jobs, no constant questions and demands. To have a break where my head could empty (more than usual) and have some ‘me time’.
Disclaimer: despite my obvious sheer delight about the opportunity for some quality ‘me time’, it goes without saying that I love our kids. I love the wonderful bits, the niggly bits, the funny bits, the random bits…I wouldn’t be without them.
Except yesterday morning when they were awful.
Interestingly Mr Elfie said he couldn’t shake the guilt of leaving the kids. I had to ask him to repeat it as I couldn’t believe I’d heard him correctly! He’s such a hands on Dad and works his day to ensure he’s there with them first thing and then he’s home in time so we can all Eat Together As A Family. Every night we’re both tip tapping away on our computers in a totally antisocial way as that’s our work time. We do have date night once every couple of weeks, which I can totally recommend. It forces the computers to go away and for us to communicate with each other. We’re both so busy, that if we didn’t do this, literally weeks and months would go by without us chatting about more than if the youngest has had a poo or if we’re about to run out of Shreddies.
So I thought…oh dear, should I feel guilty too? Am I being crap for finding this break so refreshing and WONDERFUL and relaxing…am I a bad and disloyal mother?
I don’t think I even finished the question to myself before I categorically decided that this was doing me SO much good that it could only possibly be good for the kids too. I’m certain that they would prefer a sunnier more relaxed Mum and the fact I had a message saying ‘Mum we’re having the absolute best time, hope you are too!’ well…that confirms it doesn’t it? I wish I’d had a second night.
Being a parent is hard, it’s exhausting, it’s relentless, it’s mundane and it’s not all to do with the kids themselves. For me a lot of it is what’s involved with running a house – the laundry, the cooking, the meal planning, the buying the food, the clearing up…it just goes on and on doesn’t it? Unbelievable. Then if you’re ill YOU HAVE TO CARRY ON and that’s when the clock moves so slowly it almost stops and you’re wondering how you can get through the next 5 minutes, let alone the day. You have to conjure up meals when you’re doubled over with stomach cramps and a fever.
It’s murderous.
But kids are amazing, they’re funny, they’re kind, they’re imaginative, they’re eccentric, they’re rewarding in so many ways. But do you know what? I would like my kids to think that about me too and unless I get quality ‘me time’ that isn’t going to happen is it? I saw myself through their eyes and what I saw wasn’t anything like this at all! I was a busy, stressed out, short tempered old bag.
The thing is, I’ve needed a break for years but it’s so hard to justify having one. Our parents did it, so and so does it, therefore I should be able to do it. I can always try and pretend to the kids that I’m funny, imaginative, creative and generally totally wonderful but they can see straight through it all can’t they? Every Mum I’ve EVER spoken to has need time out for them. It appears to be absolutely normal.
So, if you’re feeling a bit run down, fed up with the grind, or need of some ‘me time’, then take this as a sign…
Go for it. Put it on your birthday and Christmas list. Just do it!
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Competition! Win A Set Of Elfie’s Christmas Letters, 2015! Winner Announced 1st September 2015
You may also like to see other posts on Parenting including:
Dear Dog Owners
Why Being An Imperfect Parent Is A Good Thing
Delay Starting School For A year Or Not?
For Kids Who Hate Maths
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Your break sounds fantastic. I totally agree that ‘me’ time is so important – I don’t do it nearly enough but this is a good reminder to start. I don’t think any mother (or father if they are the primary carer) should feel guilty for taking a little time to herself – it’s essential to maintain your sanity!
I couldn’t agree more! I think the cost to us not having a break is far higher than to the kids if we take a night off.