Getting Your Kids To Listen To You

Getting your kids to listen to you must be one of the most universal plights of a parent.  Well apart from me of course.  I’ve never found myself yelling like a fish-wife, jumping up and down like a crazed woman getting redder and redder, or gritting my teeth with frustration only to put my neck out.  Oh no.  Neither have I put myself on the ‘thinking spot’ on the stairs to calm myself down, only to find three pairs of eyes peering round the doorframe giggling because ‘Mum has been so naughty.’

So not having done any of these things and only imagined them, I’ve come up with a few things that would be really helpful (should I ever need them):

Make sure they can genuinely hear you!
If the room is too noisy or bustly, or they’re in their own little world, they may not realise you’re talking to them.  Turn the music or TV down, or teach them a bit of sign language for situations where you have no control over the background noise – when you clap / put your hand up / anything else you decide between you, it means you need to say something and please can they focus for a second.

Get their attention
Touch them to gently let them know you’re there and move into their line of vision.  It brings their focus away from what they were doing and on to you.

Good eye contact
When we listen to someone we take cues from their facial expressions and body language and it’s so much easier to ‘hear’ someone when you can see their eyes and face too.  It also helps them to focus and not get distracted.

Don’t shout
Shouting breaks bonds and being shouted at is very scary.

Keep it simple
So if it’s something like wanting the kids to take their dirty plates up to the sink after a meal and they don’t.  A simple ‘please can you take your plate up?’ and a big friendly smile followed by a ‘thank you’ will go much further in the long run.  There’s no need really for the big chat about not being their slave etc. Yes you’ll need to repeat this after every meal until it’s a habit but quite honestly you’re going to have to do that anyway!

Respect them
Don’t forget to say please and thank you.  Show them the same level of respect you’d like another adult to show you.  So if they’re in the middle of something then apologise for interrupting and if you want them to do something but it could wait, tell them that and let them tell you when they’ll do it.  Yes they’ll probably need reminding but it’s all a learning process.  Their memories will improve over time.

Repeat if necessary
Make sure the child has heard and understood what you’ve just said to them before moving on.  It may be that they haven’t quite grasped what you meant.  Sometimes getting them to tell you what they think you’ve just said is really helpful.

Model visually
This sounds really odd but actually works very well if you want to teach your child how you want them to do something: e.g. tidying up – their version of tidy is going to be totally different to yours.  So do it together and teach them what you mean by tidy and how to achieve it.

End with positive comment
Say something lovely about them, how you feel about them, admire something they were doing before you interrupted them. Make the whole listening experience end on a positive note and use it as a chance to give them a boost.  We all enjoy a bit of a boost from time to time don’t we?

The other thing is that I think we mostly have a tendency to talk too much sometimes and then they just tune us out. I’m always asking our eldest to leave gaps in the air so I can just think sometimes (she’s incredibly chatty) and it works back the other way too. Space can be a wonderful thing and make us all more receptive to listening.

Do you have any tips that have worked for you and your kids? If so, please do leave a comment as the more ideas the better!

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You may also like to see other Family including:
Lipstick Kiss Chase
Why We Eat Together As A Family
Open Heart Surgery: A Mother’s Story

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